Alice, why do we emulate the object or our affection?

Dear Alice,

The definition of 'Emulate" is - to strive to equal or excel usually through imitation.

How often do we imitate the ones we love? My answer is...often.

Occasionally when we are in a couple or merely dating we find qualities in our mate that we wish we had, and we begin to emulate them, sometimes, without even realizing it.

For example, if a woman is dating a more assertive man, she, herself, will begin to be more assertive. Over time she may be less likely to cower and more likely to defend.

The Emulation can come in different forms. In the gay community in the late mid to late 70's, emulation was at it's height. A hypermasculine image was in play. Men would hit the bars and the street in tight white t shirts. ridiculously tight blue jeans, construction boots and of course the requisite trait of the time a THICK mustache. They looked like this in hopes of finding a man who wore tight white t shirts, ridiculously tight blue jeans, construction boots and yep a thick mustache.

As long as emulation doesn't progress to obsession, this can be a perfectly healthy lifestyle change.

Ask yourself, do I emulate the characteristics in my partner that i'm most attracted to?

Dahling Alice, even I am guilty of this. during the summer of 2009, I was in the throes of a mega crush on WWE superstar Carlito Colon, and to emulate that particular object of sexiness, i let my hair grow to ridiculous girth. Yes, my puerto rican papi had a big afro, and I had to have one too. I perfected the hair and devilish grin, but i stopped short at spitting apples in peoples faces.

So Alice, who have you imitated or shall i say, who are you emulating, now?

Until Next Time,

Hugs, Kisses and Emulative gestures,

the King of Xtreme

Anatomy of a Fag Hag

Dear Alice,

I was talking with my good friend Jacqueline, and she said something that bothered me. She said, she'd be proud to be my fag hag. Ever since i was a teenager, i've hated the term, "Fag Hag". 1) because i hate the term "Fag" and 2) because i LOVE women. Sometimes a bit too much, because i still sleep with them. I love how women act, i love how they speak, how they dress, how they seduce, how they fight. I not only LOVE women, i CELEBRATE them. Why would i call something i love, a hag. Such a derogatory term.

a hag, is a disgusting, ugly, wretched, jealous, evil hearted women. I would never want a friend who is a hag. Now don't get me wrong, there are women who ARE Fag Hags. She's usually overweight or has low self esteem, she CLINGS to gay men, because she can't function with straight men. She's at EVERY gay bar, her facebook is filled with pics of her "gurrrlfriendz". She wouldn't know a straight man in their phonebook, but knows EVERY person her gay friends are dating.

A fag hag usually has a gay man who is their roommate or best friend. They themself have NO boyfriend, and don't really look for one, because they live OFF their gay friend. Usually deep down they have feelings for their gay, and pray one day he will turn around and fall madly in love with her. A perfect example is someone i knew long ago, Julia Baltz.

On the outside she appeared sweet, but as we crossed paths repeatedly it became clear, she and i were both vying for the affections of an equally pathetic boy, who didn't really want either one of us. She would sit home every night, wrapped in a gay pride blanket, dreaming of being a famous actress one day. she was a virgin, had no boyfriend, was overweight, and my boyfriend, was her only source of male companionship. So of course when sexy ol' me comes in she and i butted heads. I once remember hugging my pathetic ex boyfriend and looking over his shoulder only to see Julia Baltz rolling her eyes. Really?! On another occasion my ex and i were walking to his bedroom, and she begged us not to go, because she "had a bad day and couldn't bare us going to the room, because she'd be alone" REALLY?! when we broke up she actually blogged about how happy she was to see my toothbrush in the garbage...my guess is she was scrounging for food.

Now THAT's a fag hag. however i've been lucky enough to surround myself with stylish, supportive, friendly, fun women, who just happen to have a gay friend. Like Jacqueline Denee. I remember first meeting her. Her sassy smile, and quirky jokes endeared me. she didn't try to be my hag, she didnt call me "girl!" and snap her fingers. I had a friend Stephanie, who was the definition of style. she never tried to be my girlfriend. she was my Girl...friend. Joy Murchison, has been my friend for years, and never once exhibited hag behavior. Cathy Perez whom i must have dragged to EVERY gay event and bar, was always a friend to this fag, but never a hag. Her advice was always after her support, even when my relationship was doomed from the start. She enjoys a bare chested bartender as much as the next gay men, but she gave her friendship never her existence.

So I hope I NEVER have a fag hag, because I'm too happy with my girl friends.

Hugs and Kisses,

Teddy

The Queen of Colorado.

Alice, how sloppy are my seconds?

Dear Alice,


Being an only child has spoiled me rotten. As a kid, i never learned to share and I'm afraid, as a 30 year old, I am even less likely to share. I hate sharing stages, dialogue, pictures, etc. I am quite possibly the most possessive man on this earth. If something is mine...it's MINE! Even if I share with a select few, make no mistake it's still MINE! This goes for food, money, clothes, family members, and most definitely significant others.

I know what you're saying Alice, some things can't be possessed. Well let me tell you something, if Linda Blair can be possessed by the devil in the Exorcist, a boy can be possessed by me.
I remember my mother once caught me hiding my candy, to which she quickly scolded me and said "this is our house, you don't have to hide anything, that's YOUR candy, no one will touch it" Perhaps it was this seed planted in me that has me so spoiled today.
In my mind if i touch something, it's mine until i no longer want it. Like a brand new toy, even if i walk away from it, you must still ask my permission before you touch it.
Am I completely insane Alice?

For example it totally rattles my cage when i see an ex boyfriend with a new boyfriend. 1) how dare an ex boyfriend be alive when I'm sure i explicitly told him to DROP DEAD and 2) how dare this new boy go rifling through my trash of exes, and make it his own. Which begs the question, "how sloppy are my seconds?" Granted if I break up with them it was for a reason, but why does it bother me so, when another boy or girl finds them attractive.

I hate to think that deep down i believe, my exes should NEVER date again, that would make me completely ridiculous. But why am i so infuriated by another person finding treasure in my trash?

When my ex boyfriend Jeremy cheated on me, I literally looked him in the eye and said "no one touches my toys without my permission"...

Alice, could I still be that 9 year old boy who proudly displays his candy and DARES another person to touch it, and when someone does, unleashes the wrath of a thousand monsters?

What's your opinion Alice, please SHARE with me...

Love and Adoration,
The Mile High Butterfly

Alice, I ignored the warning signs...

Dear Alice,

Having just ended yet another relationship, hindsight, as usual has come into 20/20 focus. and as usual you ask yourself, "why did I ignore the warning signs"?

Alice, not to sound cynical but there are ALWAYS warning signs. but we, those head over heels, madly in love, fantastically infatuated beings choose to look the other way.

In the early stages of courting a jealous boyfriend seems loving, but a year in when the jealousy has amplified, we often are shock. Why? people show you who they are. Perhaps not blatantly, but in subtle ways. Are we just so blinded by love and happiness that we take leave of our senses?

Alice we owe it to ourselves to pay attention to the warning signs or we are doomed to deal with bad behavior and annoying idiosyncrasies.

If a girl doesn't shave her snatch in the beginning of a relationship what makes you think she will be inclined to shave it 6 months in? If a man gets drunk and hung over every week do you think that behavior will change later? If this hot guy cheated on his girlfriend WITH you, doesn't it stand to reason that he may cheat ON you?

So Alice what choices do we have? Well there are two. 1) confront the behavior and deal with the outcome. or 2)acknowledge the warning signs, cut your loses and head for the hills.

Because what a person is, will always be revealed, however it's up to us to pay attention to the warning signs...which, let's be honest, are ALWAYS there.

All My Love and Adoration

Teddy